Realisations

It’s been awhile since I posted here for a variety of reasons, the most basic one being finding something meaningful and dance related that I felt up to writing about.

But as I just announced on my other blog, I have realised that meaningful is not necessarily the same as lengthy.

In many ways I’ve been using a narrow definition of “worthy blogging activity” to justify my absence from blogging.  And with this realisation, I no longer have my excuse!

And in a further realisation, I have been doing exactly the same thing with my dance: that is, using narrow definitions of “worthy dance activity” to justify my lack of dancing.  I have to wonder why I feel the need for this justification – what am I hiding from?

The answer is quite personal and also quite painful:

I am scared of not being the dancer I want to be.

I could write screeds about how that works out day-to-day, but screeds won’t change that basic, fundamental truth, so I’m not going to write them today.

The crazy thing is that, by blocking my desire to dance, my fear becomes reality.  I can’t be the dancer I want to be, the dancer I already am, if I don’t dance.

So, I am going to go and dance now – even a few moments is worthy of my doing.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. femmeguy
    Mar 04, 2011 @ 18:36:21

    Have you ever read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron? It speaks to more or less what you’re talking about. We feel so negative about doing it wrong, whatever “it” is, that we feel like it’s better not to do it at all. It took a long time to get over in my artwork (drawing and painting) and I still feel like I’ve made so little progress in that department.

    Reply

  2. verdant1
    Mar 05, 2011 @ 04:47:55

    It continually amazes me how fear of not being ‘enough’ whatever shuts us down, and how hard it is to recognise that that’s what’s happening (the ol’ writer’s block and so on).
    I think any progress we make struggling with that has got to be good, even if it would feel better to make heaps of progress, otherwise it could get a bit crazy: “aieee, my progress dealing with not being enough isn’t enough, so I will stop dealing with it….”

    I haven’t yet read “The Artist’s Way”, but I think I’d better add it to my reading list.

    BTW it’s nice to see you here – welcome 🙂

    Reply

  3. Caroline
    Mar 15, 2011 @ 09:33:11

    I read about your fear, & a deep and buried part of me started to jump up & down, shouting “Me, me, me! Me too!”

    Reply

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