To ponder

There is a form of creativity that reaches for the stars and is sunny and bright,

but there is another kind, just as fruitful, that is dark and deep,

more hidden than visible,

motivated sometimes by anger and envy.

This deep source of the creative spirit is difficult to express in our world

because we have difficulty appreciating the positive qualities of the dark emotions.

But they give a person depth,

strength of character,

and an earthy honesty

and counter any tendency towards the sentimental and naive.

from Thomas Moore’s A Life at Work (2008, p91)

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Realisations

It’s been awhile since I posted here for a variety of reasons, the most basic one being finding something meaningful and dance related that I felt up to writing about.

But as I just announced on my other blog, I have realised that meaningful is not necessarily the same as lengthy.

In many ways I’ve been using a narrow definition of “worthy blogging activity” to justify my absence from blogging.  And with this realisation, I no longer have my excuse!

And in a further realisation, I have been doing exactly the same thing with my dance: that is, using narrow definitions of “worthy dance activity” to justify my lack of dancing.  I have to wonder why I feel the need for this justification – what am I hiding from?

The answer is quite personal and also quite painful:

I am scared of not being the dancer I want to be.

I could write screeds about how that works out day-to-day, but screeds won’t change that basic, fundamental truth, so I’m not going to write them today.

The crazy thing is that, by blocking my desire to dance, my fear becomes reality.  I can’t be the dancer I want to be, the dancer I already am, if I don’t dance.

So, I am going to go and dance now – even a few moments is worthy of my doing.

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